no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
