Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize