I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
