I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize