I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
pray to the hookup gods
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
