OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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