'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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