so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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