Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
