yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
