You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
