She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
