i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
