i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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