You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize