Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
