I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
