I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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