Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
