I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
