hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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