I didn't shave. On purpose
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
