Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
