Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
