he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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