And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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