Kiss
Puke
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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