Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
