When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
