got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
