Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
