Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
