OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
