All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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