My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize