Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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