Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
