Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
