I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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