How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
