Betty ford says i'm here all night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it because I queefed?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
