I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
