What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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