But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
