i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
