four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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