If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
