can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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