I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
