you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
