we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
