I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
