i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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