Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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