I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
