I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
