Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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