i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
