I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
