I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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