She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
