ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
