she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
