I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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